Archive for April, 2011

That’s some statement isn’t it? I was told that by Carol when I was going through my divorce. Carol had went through a divorce many years ago and was someone who I received very valuable advice from, and one piece of information that really stuck (I was divorced in 2001 so it has been a while) was that chunk right there in the title.

Closure is overrated. I was in Carols office going on about how what had happened and was happening made me feel and then I stated that “I just want some type of closure” in reference to my failed marriage. Carol looked at me and said “you know closure is overrated.” I was in a state where I was listening but really on digesting half of what was said. It wasn’t till years later (I know dense like a rock) that I understood what she meant well I think it’s what she meant.

 Before typing this I looked up the word closure

a.  the resolution of a significant event or relationship in a person’s life
b.  a sense of contentment experienced after such a resolution
 
See the problem I have with these definitions is that you are relying on contentment based on experiences and in my life experiences so far I find that the facade you and I have of control is a very thin veneer. We really cannot control our life experiences. I read a book where the author compared people to sail boats riding waves and wind currents I think this author hit the nail on the head. So although we cannot really truly control experiences enough to get closure we can set our vessels so that we can have contentment.
 
peace
john3c
 
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Read the book

Posted: April 29, 2011 in Uncategorized

When I was in 11th grade I had an US History and Government teacher whose words really resonated with me. His name was Mr. Miller (well that’s what all of us students called him never knew his first name).  It was in Mr. Miller’s own words his “job to prepare us for college”, and in college the text-book was not the only reference material used. The U.S. History class was one of the first high school classes i had taken which sent us to the local book seller to purchase The Jungle by Upton Sinclair. I loved that book! If you have yet to read this book definitely add it this summer. In the class many students purchased cliff notes did not read the book and failed the first quarter exam of the class.

Sometimes reading, especially when it is not a book we like, can be a chore, however necessary. I can’t tell you how many times I wish I would have read a set of instructions. When we do not read and merely skim over or buy the cliff notes we sell ourself short. Authors have poured themselves into these works and delivered to us through artful prose stories that, if we allow them to, will arouse emotions and passion in us that have been repressed and hidden. So today tomorrow if you have a text to read, take your time read the whole thing don’t skim through it and sell yourself short.

peace

john3c

never again

Posted: April 28, 2011 in Uncategorized

Yesterday at lunch time I ate with someone, who is totally awesome, at a local restaurant. We both had the same meal, the special burger meal, which is a delicious burger with two different cheeses an unknown seasoning and on sesame seed bun. After the meal was brought to us the waitress let us know that this would be the last day that we could order the special. She said we could never get the special again, and I know it seems foolish but I was a little sad. Blindsided and sad at this news we talked about why maybe the special was gone then afterwards we talked about what to do for lunch. Maybe bring lunch, which would be more healthy for us.

After lunch I went back to work and realized that the way we discussed and changed our eating habits because of the specials demise is the same way we react to loss and change in our lives. We acknowledge accept and adjust, or at least we should. Often times on this blog I write about change. Changes will come whether its a menu change at a local restaurant or having to deal with an elderly loved ones care. We have to meet the change acknowledge, accept and adjust. Hiding our heads in the sand not accepting or continuing on the same course as before will only put more stress on all other aspects of our lives.

peace

john3c

Often and I am not sure why this is but we relate a brilliant work to coming from a tortured soul. A tortured soul is someone who never finds a peace within themselves.  I have heard talk around the water cooler (and yes at work we do have a water cooler (bottled water was so nineties water coolers are hip again) about great athletes business men and artists and how they traded their peace of mind to be the best at their craft. When I hear this talk I think of Ansel Adams. Ansel Adams was one of the most amazing photographers of his time, his photographs are some of the best I’ve ever seen, so are these photographs. By the few accounts I know of the life of Ansel Adams he was far from a tortured soul. 

When my kids where all born, I am not going to lie I was quick to want to make one of them the next Dr. J or Derek Jeter, however as they grow I am becoming less concerned with making  them a star and more concerned with them growing up to be decent well-rounded peaceful individuals. If they are all those things and a star at, fill in the blank, then I and their mother will have succeeded if they are merely a star at, fill in the blank, and nothing more than I am not sure if we can count that as a success. Finding yourself and loving yourself is something many have tried and accomplished and it is something more important than being a star. 

peace

john3c

Go ahead complete the quote and name the author. I know you know. When you read it you will kick yourself. ..Knowing that you know nothing” — Socrates. 

It was this belief that compelled Socrates to question authority and got him arrested and executed for the corruption of the youth. It was this believe that has pushed ordinary men to do great things and it through understanding of this believe we can empower ourselves to do the same great things. Western philosophy uses this belief to help keep everything into perspective. It was this belief that really pushed scientists to learn pure mathematics, natural science, physics, astronomy, biology. Until this concept of knowing we know nothing phenomena as simple as water freezing  was explained away by wise men an “act of the gods”. Now through knowledge gleaned over scientific study we not only know why water freezes but at what temperatures it will freeze at ( I say temperatures because depending on what is in water like salt or any other impurities the temp will change). If we are to learn anything in science or life, we must first understand that we know nothing. Many times, accepted beliefs and views have changed because we have, through study and proof gained through experimentation, learned the accepted notions where incorrect much like centrifugal force (that’s right there is no such thing as centrifugal force).  Change is always hard it is even harder when you “know everything”.

peace

john3c

What’s up with the Bunny?

Posted: April 25, 2011 in Uncategorized

Yesterday I sat next to my doll baby Hannah (for those who don’t know Hannah is my 9-year-old daughter) at the Easter church service at Westside Baptist Church. The preacher gave a sermon about the death and resurrection of Christ and during the sermon Hannah leaned over and asked “what’s up with the bunny? If that’s what it’s all about why the bunny?” I let her know I would check it out and get back with her.

So I have looked and I am going to get back to her about the bunny but let’s talk about when Easter is celebrated as well as passover. These celebrations line up with the spring equinox. A time when everyone on earth because of the earths rotation experiences a 12 hour of sunlight day. This is a time when the Earth changes seasons and resets nature.  Life can become hectic and sometimes even dark, much like the winter season. Even though winter is dark and dreary nature needs the cooler months to provide nourishment to the soul the more spiritual person would say we need the hectic and dark times to build who we really are. I am not sure if I am that deep but I do know nature changes seasons and resets itself so following the life as nature analogy if we are in dark and hectic times we should look forward to our own equinox anytime now.

Peace

john3c

who knows better?

Posted: April 21, 2011 in Uncategorized

Who knows you better than yourself? No one. I mean really, you spend more time with yourself than anyone else, so you would know the most about yourself. You know what makes you happy and sad what your strengths and weakness. Wait you don’t? Well don’t worry many people don’t know. The reasons for not understanding who we are have different faces but all a common theme we haven’t listened to us. Before I began typing this post I drove in my car with the radio on, while talking on the telephone. When I got to the house I sent a text on my phone, turned on the television, radio and started typing the post (heck right now I have over five separate webpages with five different sets of information on them). Why am I mentioning this? Well all of these things are good things they can change from tools for communicating and learning to tools used to distract us from the most important person which is ourselves. Am I promoting a selfish attitude? I don’t think so. The thing about altruistic actions is that if they are achieved by someone who is not comfortable with themselves than they usually fall short of their intentions. The bottom line is until you yourself are happy it will be nearly impossible to help make someone else happy. Now let me restate that you cannot help someone, until you are happy or you understand what is needed and set wheels in motion to achieve your happiness. To know what you need you must know who you are and sometimes we need to disconnect from everything and gain some perspective through an undistracted look in the mirror. A friend of mine used to challenge me one day a month leave your cell phone at home and at work home every where I go say nothing to no one only listen. This exercise seems a little crazy but it gives you some of this undistracted time that many of us need to move forward with discovering who we are and self-actualization. Remember it wasn’t until Pablo Picaso was forced into a Nazi occupied France that he started writing and some of the poems he wrote are chilling and beautiful. So take the time whenever you can to listen and get to know you.

peace

john3c