One thing we can always count on from friends and family is there “help” through sage words of wisdom and guidance.  If you want it or not you will more than likely be treated to some advice. You don’t have to take the advice but unless you want more strained relationships with relatives you should at lest listen. Listening can be hard for a number of reasons. For starters the advice almost always includes a narrative explaining the situation you are in.  It is as if the “helper” is describing the water that you are drowning in.

I have caught myself a few times being this “helper” and then I thought back to something a wise person once told me. Are you being helpful? Is advice ever helpful? I think pointed solicited advice can be helpful sometimes, but unsolicited advice full of social maxims is usually never helpful. (I know it seems crazy and maybe ironic not sure about the whole irony issue, that someone who writes a blog is commented on the uselessness of unsolicited advice, but I would remind you that you found this blog and are reading so it’s not so much unsolicited as it is sought and I don’t think I am really advising as much as observing although there is some advisement going on hmm).

Being helpful is a lot like saying something about someone. My mom always said “if you are not going to say something nice say nothing at all”. If what you are doing is not helpful maybe the best route is to do nothing. Doing nothing will make us feel guilt then we will be compelled to help and if we help with real help, (not through advise or words) we will see real change.

peace

john3c

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