when you don’t need it

Posted: May 28, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Validation. What is it? to be validated to find closure or confirmation that you are right.  It is a common psychological phenomenon and normal to want both validation and closure. Man is one of the most social animals there is. Getting closure and seeking validation is important in any society, however when we are sometimes doing what is right, because what is right is not always popular validation may not be easy to find, especially if our peers lack moral fiber.

There are may benchmarks in our societies for becoming an adult. I think one thing that is universal for all humans is the falling away of the need for validation. When you become an adult you realize quickly that the doing the right thing in and of itself is it’s own reward. This lack of a need for validation is a big deal while growing up and at sometimes it will be needed, because like I typed before the right thing is not always the popular thing. Having said all that always be sure that what you are doing is in fact the right thing

There was this cool movie that came out called “Do the Right Thing” Spike Lee directed and starred in it. Best I can tell no one in the movie did the absolute right thing but the main players reconciled in the end.

Knowing what the right thing to do can be tough but for me a good measurement of the right thing is the whole “do no harm philosophy” . If I am going to hurt someone than what I am goimg to do is more than likely wrong.

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So if you are right then the need for validation will not be that strong this is also another sign that you are right. The desire for validation will be diminished. Finally doing the right thing is the last benchmark for being an adult.

Graduation just happened and that is too another sign of becoming an adult graduating from high school and or college. Congratulations graduates and I think it was summed up best the whole idea of adult hood by the great

Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you
    Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
    But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
    Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,
Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,
    And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:


If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;
    If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
    And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken
    Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
    And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:


If you can make one heap of all your winnings
    And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
    And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
    To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
    Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’


If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
    Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,
If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
    If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
    With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,
    And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!



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