Our jobs

Posted: July 30, 2014 in Uncategorized
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Everyone has a job to do. We are parents, children brothers sisters cousins. What are you? You may be more than one of those. It is of course possible to be both a parent and a son. Or a Mother and a sister. What are your jobs in each role?

They are important and it is so important to realize what they are and do them. Our jobs that is. Just yesterday, I was speaking with someone who I work with about a news story he read that detailed how an 18 year old woman married a 58 year old man. The word news was loosely applied, I mean it is more like gossip than news. He asked me what I would say to my adult daughter. I let him know I did not know what I would say, because my daughter is no where near an adult, but I did mention how telling adults what they should or shouldn’t do usually didn’t work out. He went on to say that parents do not parent anymore.

I let him know that a man who was the leader of a great organization called “Youth Challenge Academy” let a mother of one of his students know, that it was the mother and fathers job to make themselves not needed in their child’s life. My work colleague let me know that this was stupid. Let me give you some context. The friend who runs the “Youth Challenge Academy” is an educator and leader of children and the Youth Challenge Academy is an boot camp style school for at risk youth who have dropped out of high school. He has seen the perils involved in parents not doing their jobs. Children become adults in age only and not maturity when they need their parents after they are adults.

For me and I guess not for everyone else the life cycle works like this. A child is born, he or she is nurtured and raised by their parents. The parents teach the child how to learn and life skills. The child matures, becomes an adult. The parents get tired grow older and then the child uses the skills taught by the parent to help take care of the parents. In the mean time when the child is an adult and the parents do not need care the children and the parents experience an adult relationship in love. Some times the natural cycle is cut by tragedy but for the most part this is it. Obviously this is not it for everyone. My colleague let me know that children always need their parents. I let him know that I do not want my children to always need me. When they are adults I want them to want to be in a relationship with me based on respect and not need.

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I really feel like it is the job of the parent to make them self not needed. When a child becomes an adult and the parent is still needed. The parent failed to do their job and usually (call it karma or whatever you like) the parent pays for not doing their job because they are still taking care of their child (who is now an adult).

We all have jobs to do. I guess the key is deciding what your job is and I guess the key to deciding what your job is would be in deciding what you want for everyone involved. Do you want a child who becomes and independent adult?  Do you want to have an adult relationship with your child based on respect and love? If you answered yes than your job is to become not needed but wanted.  Now, do you want a child who suffers from a perpetual stage of arrested development? Do you want to always be charged with caring for at least two people? Then your job is to simply nurture and take care of all your child’s ills (by the way this is really not possible, there are certain mountains a man or a woman must climb alone)

 

peace

john3c

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